running away and back

When I was a little kid, there were days I wanted to run away. I would pack my little blue suitcase with nothing much, maybe a scrunchie and socks, and walk out the front door. My mom surely said something unreasonable like a clean room had priority over playing- silly rules. Or my little baby brother was getting ALL the attention with his teary BLUE eyes. AHH! Life outside had to be better. The ice cream man would give me a lift and a free Flinstone pop on my way to Granny’s house or the park, anywhere but my house.

Once out the front door, the blue sky and singing birds annoyed me. Why couldn’t they frown with me or call me to fly over the rainbow with them? Then I had to decide where to go- the tricky part since I wasn’t carrying a sleeping bag with me and I’m not so much a wilderness, all-out survival girl. A girl scout, but we have provisions…I digress. What made the journey even harder was the length of our walk way and drive way. Each time I left the house with my blue suitcase, the path seemed to expand (maybe in the summer sun?). Really by time I got to the garage door, I would end up circling to the other side of the house. Without fail I started singing a slow, lovely show tune from Grease, Music Man, Little Shop of Horrors- really whatever my dad was in at the community college. Once I sang out all my woes to the tree and maybe shed a tear or two, I resolved to go home, meekly to the door but clearly perturbed as I made my way to my room. I might have felt better but no need for anyone else to get off so easily.

Many times over the last couple years, I dreamed of running away to Africa or Europe or anywhere really. I thought nothing could be any worse than here. Responsibilities would be refreshingly new and yield greater benefits. Yeah, there would be challenges, but greater hope and caring for one another. A true sense of brotherhood, sisterhood. Eventually, it dawned on me, there was nowhere to hide. Nowhere to find the sort refuge and utopia I envisioned. Everywhere else experienced similar turmoil, devastation, hopelessness if not more that surrounds me.

So I have to work it out here. I can’t run from the failing economy because the rest of the world is feeling it too. I can’t run from hunger, unemployment, homelessness, indifference because I would run right back into them.
But despite it all, there’s a blue sky overhead here, in Uganda, and even in Ireland sometimes. Birds still fly and sing and trees still provide shade and strong companion when I need to vent. And stomping to get things done can work, but most the most important thing is walking back and deciding to move forward, making the rest of the day and situation a positive one.