sticky thoughts

This week I haven’t written much. Really at all. Not out of lack of desire or thoughts. Simply out of energy. For instance, last night I started this blog and my eyes started growing heavy. My dead weight seemed to know the key strokes for saving and quitting, but my brain wasn’t alert enough to realize a lasting mistake. Command A and delete leaves a page blank. When I gained enough sense to reopen the document, I was stuck, left simply with a title.

It’s amazing how much I’ve thought this week. Usually such thoughts spill out my ears and leave me forever, rarely making another appearance even in my dreams. Sometimes I appreciate this faucet without much of a filter. Lots of life happenings just don’t have much value, apart from the simplest evidence of a life lived and hopefully appreciated. And yet, this week thoughts are sticking to me. It must be all the Kenyan honey I consumed two weeks ago.

Thoughts about my ACC kids flood my mind. I do miss them so and wish them all the best upon their return home. How do I still pray for them? Support them? Send letters to them?

Thoughts about my job(s). Who thought this schedule was a good idea? How can it be arranged? What hat do I wear now? Which day or hour is free? I am content with these opportunities. I’m grateful for them and excited even. And yet I think about the leadership assumed, the humility required, the organization needed, the time management applied, and the relationships rejuvenated/created. Leadership, leading, lead by itself is a thought taking a good chunk of the little percentage of brain that I use. There are so many books, people, experiences I want to tap to fully grasp the thought of leading.

Thoughts about my family. ¿Saben Español? Are cheeks still puffy and throat still soar? Have classes and teachers started the year well? Does all the extra time make napping even more appealing? How do I support them from my little blue bed in the basement? I think about the holidays we’ll spend together, the cards I’ll write, the phones calls we can have, the games we’ll play in the late hours with a movie and Oreo milkshakes.

Thoughts about God. In my thinking this week, I’ve wondered how he was working. Or how hard he was having to work to get through to me in my busyness. But I’ve decided these random thoughts and thinks that have stuck are a gift from him. I haven’t lost my mind- a gift in itself. But more than that I’ve been able to keep in that not-lost mind the ideas, goals, desires, and people I hold most dear. They haven’t been spilling out like normal but instead sticking, insulating the inside. Maybe all these good thoughts will help me fly to Neverland someday. Peter Pan must have had lots of honey as a kid. Even if I can’t fly or been able to write, I’m content with the time for sticky thoughts.