Serving My Neighbor

Sat. July 18
I went for a vigorous walk today. The only outlet I could find in the midst of this foreign land where I can’t run, be in a room alone or even speak plainly. Frustration, exhaustion and self pity had set in. I cried and walked with such gusto the dust from passing cars couldn’t stick to my face. I was completely dirty from work and wearing the same clothes from all week but still I walked, blew my nose in my sleeve and prayed. I prayed for a reason to feel as I did. I prayed for forgiveness for feeling selfish about my time when I’m not serving others or connecting with the students. I prayed to be thankful for my strength.

And I came to this conclusion:

I am here to serve Christ. If in my efforts I feel glorified and exalted for my efforts, they are without real merit. If I love only to be rewarded even with a thanks, I have not really loved. If I seek comfort or reprieve from carrying the cross, it will only get heavier. If I simply look to serve my “neighbors” across the world but lack the efforts and desire to serve those sleeping next to me, I might as well stay home in bed.
I cannot hope to serve others across the world if I see them as the object, a game or project to accomplish. Instead I have to serve Christ. If he is my object and then reward- as in I’m only concerned with how he judges, values, and appreciates my efforts- then I will end up serving others. It will be wholly holy, no pretention, no arrogance or self righteousness, no human disappointment. Sometimes serving Christ will look different than what I would do if left to my own devises. I might work all day in the field but forget to sing and talk with others. I might write great stories and fine essays but miss connecting with those right beside me and helping them complete a more pressing task. I might remain closed in my book, my computer, my thoughts and miss sharing in spirit with friends and strangers alike.

While I’ve been in Africa the question of who is poor, who is in need, who deserves has been plaguing me. Africa, India, the developing world must need the most and therefore I should give them my resources. But what about the guy next door who’s son doesn’t get a shower or breakfast before school? What about the abused mom who has to work 3 jobs to make ends meet? What about my sister who is sick or brother who needs counseling or grandma who needs yard work done? Do these people deserve less of my time, energy and resources? In the end I’m serving Christ, where I am, where God calls me, where holy discontent requires I go.